Two and a Half Men: Season 3

2005 · 24 episodes · ★ 7.2

What Season 3 of Two and a Half Men

Charlie tries to prove he can have a serious, mature relationship with Mia, a dancer. Alan starts dating Kandi, a 22-year-old woman who turns out to be Charlie's ex, and that puts a strain on the brothers' living arrangement. Jake wants to make a good impression at his first party, but his problems at school get him suspended after he draws an offensive picture. Amid all the chaos at the beachfront house, Charlie is forced to rethink how much he's willing to give up of his bachelor life.

24episodes

Sep 19, 2005premiered

May 22, 2006latest episode

8.7 hrtotal runtime

Season 3 Episodes

3x01 Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
Sep 19, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 7.2
After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Kimberly Oja, Sandra Purpuro
3x02 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Sep 26, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 6.6
Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Candace Kita, Stephanie Erb, Diane Sellers, Anna Pheil
3x03 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Oct 3, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 7.2
Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster · Starring: Melanie Lynskey
3x04 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Oct 10, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 7.2
Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts
3x05 We Called It Mr. Pinky
Oct 17, 2005 · 21 min · ★ 7.3
Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Melanie Lynskey, Natalie Zea
3x06 Hi, Mr. Horned One
Oct 24, 2005 · 21 min · ★ 7.4
Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Jodi Lyn O'Keefe
3x07 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Nov 7, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 7.0
Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Melanie Lynskey, Martin Sheen, June Squibb
3x08 That Voodoo That I Do Do
Nov 14, 2005 · 21 min · ★ 7.4
Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts · Starring: Emmanuelle Vaugier
3x09 Madame and Her Special Friend
Nov 21, 2005 · 21 min · ★ 6.6
One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.
Directing: Asaad Kelada · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: April Bowlby, Cloris Leachman, James Edson, Glen Walker
3x10 Something Salted and Twisted
Nov 28, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 6.9
Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.
Directing: Rob Schiller · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Jennifer Ann Massey, Aja Evans, Rebecca McFarland
3x11 Santa's Village of the Damned Mid-Season Finale
Dec 19, 2005 · 22 min · ★ 7.5
Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.
Directing: Rob Schiller · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Josie Davis
3x12 That Special Tug
Jan 9, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.1
Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.
Directing: Rob Schiller · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Andrea Bendewald, Valerie Azlynn, Stephanie Reibel, Jane Lynch
3x13 Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Jan 23, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.2
Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.
Directing: Rob Schiller · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts · Starring: April Bowlby, Emmanuelle Vaugier
3x14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Feb 6, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.6
Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: April Bowlby, Emmanuelle Vaugier
3x15 My Tongue Is Meat
Feb 27, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.4
Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Melanie Lynskey, Jackie Debatin, Rod Britt, Nanci Christopher
3x16 Ergo, the Booty Call
Mar 6, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.6
Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Melanie Lynskey, April Bowlby, Hugh Holub, Brian Thomas Smith
3x17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
Mar 13, 2006 · 21 min · ★ 7.0
Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts · Starring: Melanie Lynskey, Loren Lester, Robert Clotworthy, Jon Lovitz
3x18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Mar 20, 2006 · 21 min · ★ 7.1
Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: April Bowlby, John Mendoza
3x19 Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Apr 10, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.5
Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts · Starring: April Bowlby, Gail O'Grady, Diane Delano
3x20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Apr 24, 2006 · 21 min · ★ 7.8
Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.
Directing: Gary Halvorson · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: April Bowlby, Kevin Sorbo, Gail O'Grady
3x21 And the Plot Moistens
May 1, 2006 · 21 min · ★ 7.2
Jake's teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.
Directing: Jerry Zaks · Writing: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: April Bowlby, Julia Campbell
3x22 Just Once with Aunt Sophie
May 8, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.3
A girl from Jake's school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.
Directing: Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Ralph Cole Jr., Stephanie Brown
3x23 Arguments for the Quickie
May 15, 2006 · 22 min · ★ 7.1
Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie's sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.
Directing: James Widdoes · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, April Bowlby, Cheyenne Casebier, Maria Tornberg
3x24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite Season Finale
May 22, 2006 · 21 min · ★ 7.3
Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.
Directing: James Widdoes · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Holland Taylor, Melanie Lynskey, April Bowlby, John Vance