Two and a Half Men: Season 1

2003 · 24 episodes · ★ 7.0

What Season 1 of Two and a Half Men

Charlie Harper is a single, wealthy and very womanizing advertising jingle composer who lives in a beachfront house in Malibu. His routine of parties and conquests changes when his brother Alan gets divorced and moves into the house with his son Jake. Alan is an insecure, broke and very lonely chiropractor who doesn't know how to start over. What was supposed to be a short visit drags on, and Charlie has to share a roof and responsibilities with his brother and nephew. Conflicts arise from Jake's mischief, Alan's blunders and Charlie's doubts about how much freedom he is willing to give up.

24episodes

Sep 22, 2003premiered

May 24, 2004latest episode

8.3 hrtotal runtime

Season 1 Episodes

1x01 Pilot
Sep 22, 2003 · 23 min · ★ 6.8
Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.
Directing: James Burrows · Writing: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Eugene Byrd, Thomas F. Wilson, Don Foster, Jennifer Bini Taylor
1x02 Big Flappy Bastards
Sep 29, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 7.3
Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.
Directing: Andy Ackerman · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jeff Abugov
1x03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Oct 6, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 7.2
Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.
Directing: Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Darryl Sivad
1x04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Oct 13, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 7.4
Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.
Directing: Andy Ackerman · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Steven Tyler
1x05 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Oct 20, 2003 · 19 min · ★ 7.2
Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.
Directing: Andy Ackerman, Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jeff Abugov · Starring: Christine Dunford, Eric Allan Kramer, Tricia O'Kelley, Liz Vassey
1x06 Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Oct 27, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 6.7
The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.
Directing: Lee Aronsohn, Andy Ackerman · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Krista Allen, Madison Mason
1x07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Nov 3, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 7.7
Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.
Directing: Andy Ackerman, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Kristin Dattilo
1x08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Nov 10, 2003 · 19 min · ★ 7.2
Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
Directing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jeff Abugov · Starring: Abigail Mavity, Sam Lerner, Rhyon Nicole Brown, Katelin Petersen
1x09 Phase One, Complete
Nov 17, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 6.8
Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.
Directing: Andy Ackerman · Writing: Susan Beavers, Don Foster · Starring: Myndy Crist, Chris Jacobs
1x10 Merry Thanksgiving
Nov 24, 2003 · 21 min · ★ 7.0
Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.
Directing: Jay Sandrich · Writing: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, George Wyner, Cristine Rose, Denise Richards
1x11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor Mid-Season Finale
Dec 15, 2003 · 20 min · ★ 6.8
When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.
Directing: Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Lucky Vanous, John Valdetero, Daniel Escobar, Rebecca McFarland
1x12 Camel Filters and Pheromones
Jan 5, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 7.0
Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.
Directing: Robert Berlinger, Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Mark Roberts, Susan Beavers · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Noel Fisher, Megan Fox, Lisa Arning
1x13 Sarah Like Puny Alan
Jan 12, 2004 · 20 min · ★ 6.6
Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.
Directing: Robert Berlinger, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster · Starring: Johanna Nicosia, Lori Lively
1x14 I Can't Afford Hyenas
Feb 2, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.7
Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.
Directing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jeff Abugov · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Elena Lyons, Richard Lewis, J.D. Walsh
1x15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Feb 9, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.8
Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.
Directing: Andrew D. Weyman · Writing: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Jenna Elfman, Juliette Goglia
1x16 That Was Saliva, Alan
Feb 16, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.9
Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.
Directing: Andrew D. Weyman · Writing: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Jenna Elfman, Juliette Goglia
1x17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Feb 23, 2004 · 20 min · ★ 7.2
Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.
Directing: Andrew D. Weyman · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Mark Roberts · Starring: Vernee Watson, Ski Carr, Elise Robertson, Kris Iyer
1x18 An Old Flame With a New Wick
Mar 1, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 7.0
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.
Directing: Andrew D. Weyman, Chuck Lorre · Writing: Mark Roberts, Lee Aronsohn · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Chris O'Donnell, Rebecca McFarland
1x19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Mar 22, 2004 · 19 min · ★ 7.1
Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.
Directing: Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster · Starring: Teri Hatcher
1x20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Apr 19, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.9
Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.
Directing: Gary Halvorson, Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Jeff Abugov, Mark Roberts · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Amanda Tosch, Jane Lynch
1x21 No Sniffing, No Wowing
May 3, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.9
Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.
Directing: Lee Aronsohn, Rob Schiller · Writing: Don Foster, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Heather Locklear, Marc Grapey, Alana de la Garza
1x22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
May 10, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.7
When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.
Directing: Gail Mancuso, Lee Aronsohn · Writing: Eddie Gorodetsky, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Amanda Swisten, Steffani Brass, Jamie Day, Jane Lynch
1x23 Just Like Buffalo
May 17, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 7.3
When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.
Directing: Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Kristin Richardson, Stacey Travis, Yvette Nicole Brown
1x24 Can You Feel My Finger? Season Finale
May 24, 2004 · 21 min · ★ 6.9
Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.
Directing: Chuck Lorre, Rob Schiller · Writing: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre · Starring: Conchata Ferrell, Jenna Gering, Byrne Offutt, Terry Rhoads